


Kaito vs. Harukawa

by Wandering_River



Series: Adventure Time/DRv3 [2]
Category: Adventure Time, Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types, New Dangan Ronpa V3: Everyone's New Semester of Killing
Genre: Alternate Universe - Adventure Time Fusion, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Assassination Attempt(s), Crack Treated Seriously, F/M, Fantasy, Guild of Assassins (Adventure Time), Jake vs. Me-mow - Freeform, Momota Kaito & Oma Kokichi Are Siblings, Not Beta Read, One Shot, Poisoning, Pre-Slash, Princess Sayaka, Shapeshifter Momota Kaito, Wildberry Kingdom (Adventure Time), Wolf Momota Kaito, cat harukawa maki, sayaka is a literal blue berry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-09
Updated: 2020-12-09
Packaged: 2021-03-10 04:29:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,903
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27978117
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Wandering_River/pseuds/Wandering_River
Summary: Harukawa Maki, a tiny assassin cat, hides in Kaito's nose and orders him to kill Princess Maizono or face death by poison.(Aka: the Adventure Time episode "Jake vs. Me-mow")
Relationships: Harukawa Maki/Momota Kaito, Momota Kaito & Oma Kokichi
Series: Adventure Time/DRv3 [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2049159
Kudos: 4





	Kaito vs. Harukawa

**Author's Note:**

> hello hello again. back on my bullshit with this AU. honestly, im just doing these while waiting for my beta to finish with the fic i ACTUALLY want to post. so there will probably be more of these in between chapters i write for that. errr,,,, oh! this one shot technically takes place before the first one in the series. i just. didnt know i was gonna end up writing more so. yeah.
> 
> (art below is a redraw of the promo art for the episode "Jake vs. Me-mow")

Humming to herself, Princess Maizono puts down the oven mits before turning back to the kitchen island. In front of her are three freshly baked meat pies which she has prepared for herself and her two guests in the other room. She pauses in her song to look at the pie she had made for herself. Pursing her lips, she leans over to inspect her pie that seems to have had a corner broken off. 

_"I'm usually better at this. At least it's mine; I'm sure those two wouldn't mind even if it wasn't."_

Scooping the three pies into her arms, Princess Maizono swoops into the adjoined dining room. She places the pies at the center of the table before sitting herself down at its head.

"You've got a lot of meat, Princess Maizono!" Kaito says as he pulls one of the meat pies towards himself.

The Princess blushes lightly and puts a hand to her cheek in embarrassment. "Oh, well, you know."

Her other guest leans over the table to collect his pie but he can't quite grab it. Noticing his brother's plight, Kaito stretches a paw over and pushes the pie closer to Kokichi. 

"You cooked for us and everything!" Kaito retracts his arm before his brother slaps it for daring to help him. "You didn't have to do that, by the way." He says and the two adventurers settle back into their spots at the table.

"Oh, it's no trouble, really. Thank you for answering my urgent summons." 

"Speaking of," Kokichi points his fork at the Princess. "What did you need us for? We are very busy people you know! So this better actually be important!" 

Princess Maizono glances about the room worriedly as she clutches her hands together. She looks back to the two heros with a grave expression. "I have reason to believe that someone is trying to kill me."

Kaito, who had been the only one to touch his meat pie, chokes on the food in his mouth. Kokichi's eyebrows raise in surprise and then his face morphs into disgust as Kaito coughs up the chunk of meat he was choking on. Princess Maizono grimaces and pushes her own pie to the side. 

"The pie is very good, Princess." Kaito says.

"Yes… thank you…"

Kokichi bangs his fork against a glass to regain Princess Maizono's attention. "How do you figure that you're being targeted?"

"Oh!" The Princess pulls out a parchment and places it onto the table. "I found this stabbed to my door." 

The parchment has a tear in it at the top, most likely created by the knife. Written in fine black print is a warning: 'Princess Maizono, we are going to _assassinate_ you." At the bottom of the note is the stylized acronym for the Guild of Assassins. 

_"They really aren't subtle at all."_ Kokichi is honestly just disappointed. He sighs. "Don't worry, we'll handle it, Princess. Right, Kaito?" 

The human turns his head only to have to witness his brother messily devour his meat pie. The shifter's head is stuck into the pan and bits of meat cling to his fur. Kokichi can feel nausea roll in his stomach. 

"Uhh, Princess, let's continue this briefing outside. I can't look at his mouth when he gets like this."

Princess Maizono nods her head in agreement, looking extremely uncomfortable. The two stand from the table and leave to continue the discussion in the kitchen. Kaito continues to finish off the pie by licking up the remnants off the tin. He pushes the empty pie tin towards the center of the table and thumps his tail as he eyes the Princess' abandoned pie.

"Princess Maizono, want me to finish off your pie?" He whispers to himself. He forms his hand into a replica of the Princess and imitates her voice. "Yes, Kaito, go right ahead!" 

With the 'Princesses' consent, he stretches over to take her pie and pulls it over to his spot at the table. He takes a few pawfulls from the center of the pie and eats them. As he makes his way through the center though, he begins to uncover something. Kaito slows his pawfuls as an uneasy feeling begins to wash over him. Soon enough he has eaten into a space within the pie that holds a small humanoid cat. 

"Wha- huh!?" 

The tiny cat's bright red eyes flash open and she bares her teeth in a hiss. She leaps up from the pie tin and onto Kaito's snout. Her sharp claws gleam in the lighting of the castle, but what's more worrying is the large syringe that she clutches in her hand filled with a toxic green liquid. Kaito opens his mouth to yell but stops when she points the needle towards his eye.

"Do you want to die?" Her voice is low and threatening. 

"You're the assassin!" 

The assassin narrows her eyes. "Harukawa Maki, reluctant member of the Guild of Assassins. I've come for the life of the Princess."

_"Reluctant?"_ Kaito's brow furrows in confusion. "Well, I'm no Princess, sister!"

Maki scoffs. "Yes, I know, but since you've blown my cover, you're going to assist me with my mission."

"What!? I'd rather be injected with poison!"

The cat girl's expression hardens as she brandishes the syringe. "Very well."

Kaito's eyes widen in panic. "Wait!" He yells. "I mean, I will help you assassinate Princess Maizono!"

Maki nods in approval. "Good." She adjusts her grip on the syringe of poison and turns to climb down into Kaito's nose. She pauses in her descent to glare at the shifter. "Oh, and if you try to trick me, I'll poison you." With that she disappears.

"My nose!" Kaito scrunches up his face in discomfort before settling into the feeling. It's at this moment that Princess Maizono and Kokichi re-enter the dining room. 

"You done in there, Kaito?" Kokichi draws.

"Oh, uh, yeah." Kaito nervously glances between his brother and the Princess. "So, um, Princess Maizono. Maybe it wouldn't be so bad to be killed?" 

The Princess' eyes widen in alarm and she takes a step back. "W-why would you say that?!"

Even Kokichi has been taken off guard and the teasing expression he was wearing has been wiped clean for one of shock. "Dude, are you trying to freak her out?"

"I don't know. I'm just thinking out loud here." Kaito laughs and waves a paw to try and dispel the nervous energy leaking off of himself.

"Kaito, what the fuck."

"Uh, I'm sorry, Prin...cess…" Kaito looks up at them and just behind the two, leaned up against the wall of the kitchen, is a bag of meat that vaguely resembles the Princess. He stares at the bag and then at the Princess' crown before slipping from his place at the table. "You should... let me... do something... and... it will be...good." Walking over to the Princess, Kaito takes the crown from her head and moves into the kitchen to place it on the bag of meat. 

Kokichi and Princess Maizono watch in confused silence as the shifter begins beating up the bag of meat. Maki shifts uncomfortably in Kaito's nose as she strains her ears to hear the outside world. 

_"What's going on out there?"_

Kaito lands an uppercut on the bag of meat. "Eat this! And that! Ooh, how do you like this, Princess! Duoo!"

Princess Maizono looks over at Kokichi for some kind of explanation but the human just is staring at his brother with a face that screams he's five seconds away from disowning him. The Princess forces an unsure smile. "Uh... That's very good?"

"I'm gonna pick you up now and carry you…" Kaito hefts the bag of meat up into his arms. "to the window!" He hobbles over to the window and places the bag of meat on the sill.

"Kaito, what are you-" Kokichi starts before he's interrupted by the Princess.

"NO! STOP, PLEASE!" 

Maki's ears perk up and her eyes widen in surprise. _"He's killing her?! That's not what I meant!"_ She shifts closer to the exit of the nostril just in time to watch the crown disappear over the other side of the window. The splat from below reaches her ears and confirms the Princess' demise. 

"Princess Maizono is dead!" Kaito announces and turns back to the other two in the room who stare at him speechless. He puts a finger to his mouth, "Shh…" and then grins widely whilst giving a thumbs up.

"He really did it…" Maki mumbles. Regret starts to pool in her for forcing the other to participate in her mission. Now another has innocent blood on his hands thanks to her. She walks over to the syringe and holds it tightly in her grip. _"I've stained another good person…"_

"Princess! Oh, Princess!"

"YOU'RE ALIVE!"

Maki jerks out of her self-reflection. "Huh?"

Two wildberry guards swoop in and collect Princess Maizono in a bear hug. They are both crying heavily. "We saw your crown next to a pile of dirtied meat, then we slipped on the meat and I thought I tasted your juice, but it was just blood from the meat. We're so glad it wasn't actually you!"

Maki's ears draw back in anger. "You tried to trick me." Her hand flips the syringe deftly and she sinks the needle into the soft tissue of Kaito's nose. "You shouldn't have done that." She hisses as half of the toxic green liquid is injected.

Kaito makes a pained groan and collapses onto his side. He takes on a sickly pallor and closes his three eyes in pain. 

"Kaito?!" Kokichi says, alarmed. 

"Listen closely. I've injected you with half the poison, you'll be dead in thirty minutes, unless you give me an opening so I can kill the princess. If you do this; I'll give you the antidote." Maki sets the syringe down and curls her tail around a smaller tube of pink liquid. 

With desperation sinking in, Kaito pulls himself over to his brother and grabs on to the checkerboard belts hanging from the boy's shorts. "Kokichi, you gotta help me!" 

"What the hell's wrong with you?" Kokichi says, trying to hide his confusion and worry with annoyance. He slaps at his brother's paws to get him to let go of his belt loops. 

"If you say anything, I'll administer the rest of the poison right now." 

"Uuuhhhh…" Kaito sweats, his brain running a mile a minute to come up with at least some kind of plan. He glances over at the satchel slung over Kokichi and a light bulb goes off. "Kokichi, uh, sing mom's lullaby! I'm so tired, Ko, from the meat. Please, you have to lull me to sleep."

Kaito watches his brother's face lightly color and Kokichi looks away, clearly uncomfortable. "Uuuhh…"

"I know you carry mom's music box around in your backpack!" Kaito accuses. 

Kokichi looks down at him and frowns. "I'm not singing mom's lullaby in front of other people."

"Please, pleeeaaase…"

Kokichi groans. "Fine, only while the princess is distracted." 

The boy starts grumbling under his breath as he pulls the satchel forward and starts rummaging through it. Soon he produces a gold music box. It has two puppies sitting on the top of the mechanism that use their little paws to cover up holes on the music box to make sound. Theres a handle on the side that Kokichi's hand grips and begins to turn, starting the lullaby. 

_"Don't be weepy sleepy puppies. Slip your slippers on your footies."_ Princess Maizono and the two wildberry guards look over when Kokichi starts singing softly. The Princess smiles and relaxes into her guard's holds. The two share tired but happy looks as they settle into the lull of the song. _"In the morning you'll get goodies; puppy hats and puppy hoodies."_

Maki can feel the stress of the day slipping away with the quiet tune of the music box. Her eyes grow heavy and she feels the phantom warmth of the children from the orphanage surround her. She misses them.

As Kaito feels sleep tingle at the edges of his consciousness, he glances around the room to find something to plug his ears. He spots a pair of sausages on a counter. _"Good enough."_ He sticks the sausages in his ears, effectively muffleing the music. 

_"No stripes or polk-a-dots; heather grey and feather soft, baby pink or baby blue…"_ Kokichi sways on his own feet as he finishes off the song. _"All the draw strings you can chew…"_ His stumble is stopped by Kaito catching him in an enlarged hand.

"Wha-?"

"Kokichi there's an assassin in my nose and she poisoned me and is making me kill Princess Maizono!" Kaito whisper-yells.

Kokichi brushes off Kaito's hand and looks up at him unimpressed. "Kaito, that's like, the shittiest lie ever."

The shifter hastily covers his brother's mouth to keep him from speaking loudly, lest he wake the assassin up. Looking around he spots a meat pie on a nearby counter. He grabs some of the pie and starts smearing out 'cat → nose' for Kokichi, however, it ends up being almost illegible. 

Kokichi's face screws up in confusion. "Cat... noise?" The boy suddenly gains a smile that splits his face and screams 'I'm about to be a little shit'. "Oooohhhh, riiiiight, a cat! And cats go 'meow'! Meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow!"

"SSH! Kokichi, no!!" 

Kokichi does not 'ssh'.

"Meowmeowmeowmeowmeowmeowmeowmeowmeowmeowmeowmeowmeowmeowmeowmeowmeowmeow!!!"

"God, damnit!" Kaito wraps Kokichi up in his arms to quiet him. His brother's protests are muffled behind fur but the boy's legs are not and he keeps kicking the arms holding him captive. 'Sorrys' tumble passed his lips as he bring's Kokichi over to the window before chucking him out of it. There's Kokichi's shrill scream before a splat as the boy lands on the pile of meat below.

_"I'll worry about him killing me later. I have to focus on the killer in my nose first. Now, if I can just grab that antidote…"_

Shrinking his paw down enough to fit in his nose, he goes on his quest to retrieve the antidote from Maki. He walks through the cavernous space of his nostril as if it's the vast body of the cosmos. It isn't long before he's face to paw with the cat. Maki sleeps sitting up; one hand is on the poison syringe while her tail is wrapped loosely around the antidote. 

"Ah-ha!" Kaito walks his finger puppet up to the sleeping assassin. Slowly, he maneuvers the vile of liquid away from her tail. When he finally holds the vile in his paw, Maki is still fast asleep. "I did it!"

The sound of running footsteps is all he has before Kokichi slams open the door to the kitchen, creating a loud crash that startles everyone in the room awake. Kokichi's face is shadowed in anger as he pulls the sword free from his back. "How dare you throw your leader out an open window."

Kaito's stomach drops as he feels Maki stir into consciousness. Slit red eyes snap to focus on the paw that holds the antidote. She growls before plunging the syringe into Kaito's paw, injecting the shifter with more poison. He pulls his paw out and groans in pain.

"Your time is running out. Do you want the antidote, or not?" 

"Hey, everybody, everything's cool…" Kaito slurs.

"Everything's not cool, Princess Maizono is still in danger and you _threw me out a window!!!"_ Kokichi stalks up to his brother.

"Right, right, well, we should take her somewhere safer…" 

"Please don't make me give you the rest." Maki says, and there's something in it that makes Kaito pause for a second. 

_"... why does it sound like she's pleading with me?"_

'I know where to stash you, princess." Kaito looks at Princess Maizono. "Follow me." He then turns and heads out of the room, leaving the two in the kitchen to follow after him.

They arrive at a cliffside near the castle. Princess Maizono looks out over the canyon and to the long drop that awaits. Kokichi folds his hands behind his head and watches as his brother wobbles around.

"Here, nobody can take us by surprise. Kokichi, stand here with your back to the cliff. I'll stay with Princess Maizono." Kaito vaguely gestures with his hand to show where his brother should stand. He walks closer to the Princess, whose back is to him. "To do what must be done." He says gravely. His hands shake as they prepare to push the Princess. Maki crouches at the opening of the nostril, prepared to launch herself at her target. 

In a turn of events; a bird swoops down from the sky, launching itself at one of the sausages stuck in Kaito's ears. It hits the shifter in the head, knocking him to the ground and sending Maki shooting out of her hiding place. She rolls to a stop in the grass at Kokichi's feet.

"Hm, so it was the truth. I thought that lie was a little too interesting to be made up." 

"You said it was a shitty lie!" Kaito yells weakly. 

His brother turns to him with a blank face. "I lied."

"God damnit."

The assassin tsk's and jumps up onto Kokichi's arm. Maki dashes up and over his shoulder, scaling his head, before leaping up into the tree branches above. 

"Face me, cat!"

Reaching into her mouth, Maki produces a small dagger. She makes her way down the tree without being spotted and darts forward. Dragging her dagger across the back of one of Kokichi's ankles causing him to lose his footing and gives her ample opportunity to give him a warning. In a flash of movement she's slashed clean through the strap of the satchel he was carrying as well as landed a clean cut close to his eye. 

"Give it up, Murderer. You're only making my face look cooler!" The human snarks. He takes the sword in his hand and deftly throws it up at the branch on which Maki is perched. It hits and drives itself through the wood, however, it misses the assassin. 

Maki flips the dagger in her grip. "Do you want to die?" 

"Ha, you think you're hurting me?" Kokichi looks down at Maki's form and smiles darkly. "With that tiny dagger?"

The siamese cat's fur puffs up and her ears lay flat against her skull in barely repressed rage. "We'll see who's laughing when you're blind." 

Maki springs up towards Kokichi's face but for once in her life, she's not fast enough. The human predicted her path and intercepted her attack, pinning Maki to the tree while stabbing himself on her dagger. 

"We're done here. Give me the antidote." He commands.

An array of emotions pass over Harukawa Maki's face: shock, anger, disbelief, fear. She was angry with herself for getting caught so early. Angry that she got someone else involved, that she almost bloodied someone else's hands. That she stooped to _their_ level. Shock that she had lost this easily. Disbelief that she couldn't do anything. Fear of what would happen if she returned without the job done. Fear of what they would do to the orphanage, the kids. 

Fear often makes people irrational. 

"I will not fail." 

"What-"

There was a sharp crack as Harukawa Maki smashed the vile containing the antidote. 

"NO!" Kokichi smacks Maki away from the tree and tries in vain to collect the antidote that was being soaked up into the tree. "Kaito, come lick this tree bark!"

"I'm coming…" Kaito rolls over onto his side trying to drag himself over but his body is too weak. His eyes flutter closed.

"Kaito?!"

Maki picks herself up from the ground. "Forget it. I gave him enough poison to kill a dog fifty times his size." 

"No…" Kokichi stumbles over to Kaito's prone form. "Kaito, wake up." He shakes his brother's shoulder. "That's an order, do you hear me?"

Red eyes travel and land on the Princess. "I'm sorry to have to take your family away, but they would have taken mine if I don't finish this." Princess Maizono edges towards the cliff, her eyes wide as she shakes her head in disbelief.

Kaito's eyes snap open. "WAIT! OH YEAH!" Taking a deep breath, Kaito enlarges his liver to 51 times its normal size. "Dog liver times fifty-one!"

Maki's eyes go wide in shock and she stumbles back. "A magic dog?!" 

"Hey, asshole, how are you feeling?" Kokichi calls up to Kaito. 

"Big liver, big liver, yeah!!" Kaito sings.

"You…" Maki looks back and forth between the two brothers. "No. I can't let this end here. I have to do this. For them." She grips her dagger and gets ready to launch herself at the Princess. 

"WAIT!" 

Maki freezes in place as she watches the three eyed dog morph into a more humanoid form and shrink down to stand before her. 

"Listen, I don't think you're all that bad actually."

She squints at him. "What?"

"You mentioned how you were a reluctant member of the Guild of Assassins. That means you had no choice, right?"

She can feel her stance loosen and her arm begins to drop. "I…"

"I'm right, aren't I? You don't have to go back, you know. We could help you figure something out! Kokichi and I are heros after all, it'd only be right to help someone in need."

"You would… help me?" Maki says slowly, unsure.

Kaito can distantly hear Kokichi's 'we would what?' but he ignores him. "Yeah! Whatever it is that's keeping you with the Guild, we'll help you with! So, you don't have to complete this mission." Kaito watches as a spark of hope ignites in Maki's eyes before the cat girl shakes her head. 

"No, you don't understand. It's not something you can just… help me with! The situation is delicate. There are lives on the line, I cannot afford to jeopardize them." She brandishes the dagger once more. "I am glad you lived." She says quietly, then just like she planned to, Maki is soaring through the air towards Princess Maizono with killing intent. 

It's all slow motion from there. Princess Maizono screams and crouches down in fear and just before Maki makes what would have been contact, the berries that grow on the Princess' body suddenly pop off. This decrease in size causes the assassin to be sent careening over the edge of the cliff and into the drop below.

"Oh dear…"

"Huh… Nice defense mechanism." Kokichi states. 

"Oh, no, this is a medical condition." Princess Maizono groans in pain. "I need a hospital." 

Kaito reverts back into his k-9 form and walks over to the edge of the cliffside. "Do you think Maki's okay?"

Kokichi frowns. "I don't get why you like that murderer. She's probably fine though, she's a train assassin after all."

"Yeah, you're probably right." Kaito turns from the cliff and gathers some of Princess Maizono's berries. "Let's get to a hospital." 

As the group collects the wayward blue berries and ushers the Princess off to find a hospital, they fail to notice the bird flying over them with a tiny cat riding its back. Maki's ha blows in the breeze as she gazes down at the Land of Ooo's two heroes. 

In her heart she feels a spark of hope.

**Author's Note:**

> shameless self plug, shameless self plug: im lait-rose on tumblr if you want more art or to see what i plan on doing next go there.
> 
> so, as i mentioned before, expect more of these. I've got a few other episodes i wanna write as well as "make" some episodes that were never in the show. so yeah, there's a reason this has a cliff hanger; tiny-kawa will be back! ((and prince saihara too))


End file.
